The Charm Bracelet

Taken from the April 2008 Brio and Beyond Magazine:

The Charm Bracelet

By: Sarah Kistler

Sweet 16 had finally come! I never thought I'd make it. But I did. And it was amazing. My parents threw the birthday part of the century, and I had more people than I could count. The whole day had been awesome. But as I watched the sun begin to set, I knew the best part was soon to come.

It was late in the evening. Confetti had been swept up, helium balloons had started to sag and gift wrap had been folded neatly and tucked away for my mom's later use. As I sad at my window studying the dusky sky, Dad peeked into the room with a smile.

"Ready to go, Sweetie?" he asked.

Was that a trick question? I wondered as I scrambled to my feet. I'd been waiting for this night for five long years, and it was finally here! I was now officially allowed to date!

The plan was for my parents and me to go to my favorite restaurant on the night of my 16th birthday and officiate the agreement, go over standards and discuss rules and such. And now we were finally on our way.

I sat across from my parents in a quiet corner booth. Having just placed our orders, I figured it was time to get on with it. "So. I can go out with any guy I want to, right?" I squealed, hardly able to contain my excitement.

Mom and Dad chucked. Dad answered, "Well, we agreed to that, didn't we?"

"Sweet!" I exclaimed, doing a little victory dance in my seat. My parents had held me off for years, but now that the time had come, they would let me date any guy I wanted! Of course they knew I had a good relationship with God and wasn't too short on common sense, either.

"Now wait just a second," Mom interrupted with a smile. "You have to agree to a little something yourself."

I was expecting a lecture of some sort, so I was already prepared. "So what do I have to do now?" I asked, leaning forward on my elbows.

"Just open this," Dad answered, producing a small white box. He gave a mysterious smile.

I hesitated a moment before removing the curly pink ribbon. I slowly opened the lid and saw a beautiful silver bracelet. But not just any bracelet. It was a charm bracelet. And they weren't just any charms. They were gemstones, small but gorgeous. A dozen dainty charms dangled gently.

"Wow." I didn't know what else to say. I wasn't expecting this at all.

"Now you have to understand this isn't just any bracelet," Mom informed me.

"I know," I said. "It's so beautiful!" I studied it closer. There were six small charms alternating with tinier ones. The smaller ones were deep blue. Sapphires, I guessed. And the other six were each different. One appeared to be just a rock, one was pink, a white one, a red one, green... and was that a diamond?

"This charm bracelet is symbolic," Dad explained, leaning in closer to study it with me. "It represents you and your purity. This is what will guide you through your dating relationships. Your mother and I can only tell you what's right. We can't make you believe it yourself. Hopefully, this will."

I looked up solemnly. "I'm listening."

"This represents the first time you hold a guy's hand," Mom said, pointing to the gray one. "It's just a piece of polished granite. Seemingly cheap, yes, but it's still a part of your bracelet. This is pink quartz." She gently rubbed the next one between her fingers. "It represents your first kiss."

"This green one is an emerald," Dad continued. "This is your first boyfriend. The pearl is the first time you say 'I love you' to a man other than me."

I giggled. This was so amazing.

"The ruby stands for your first engagement. And the diamond represents the first time you say 'I do,'" Mom finished.

After letting it all sink in, I cleared my emotion-clogged throat. "What do the six tiny sapphires stand for?" I asked.

"Those are to remind you how beautiful and valuable you are to us and to God," Dad replied. "Now here's the hitch in all this, the only and only rule you'll ever have to follow when it comes to dating."

Only one rule. Sounded good. But little did I know...

"Whenever you give one of these actions of love- a kiss, an 'I love you', a hand to hold- you also have to give the recipient the gem to match."

I must've misunderstood. "I have to give him the gem?"

"You have to give it to him," Mom restated.

I was silent for a moment. I thought they must be joking. But they weren't even thinking of cracking a smile.

"But Daddy!" I suddenly shrieked. "These are insanely expensive! I can't just give them away!"

He gave a soft, loving chuckle, "Did you hear what you just said?"

I thought about it.

"Baby, your purity, your heart, they're far more valuable than a few little rocks. If you can't find it in your heart to give away your little charms, I don't think you should be giving away the things they represent."

I could feel my insides melting, ready to gush out of my tear ducts. One the one hands, it made me feel valuable and precious. But on the other, it made me furious. It made no sense. But it would.

A few weeks after that night, I was hanging out with my friends at the beach. Chad wouldn't swim because I wouldn't swim. I was more interested in reading than getting caked with sand, and he was more interested in sitting with me than swimming with his buddies. He was sweet. He was cute. And he tried to hold my hand.

I was thrilled for a nanosecond when a certain piece of ugly granite flashed through my mind and made me move out of his reach. I was severely annoyed- annoyed at my parents, annoyed at my bracelet-turned-handcuffs, but most of all, annoyed at myself. I was letting a little rock dominate my romantic life.

I furiously glared at it during the whole embarrassing walk to the bathhouse. But then God hit me upside the head with shocking epiphany. I couldn't give up my little chunk of granite. It was part of my bracelet, which in a sense made it a part of me. I wouldn't be whole without it. It wasn't a priceless gem, yet it was still valuable. It made sense after that.

Kevin came along eventually. We had fun. we hung out a lot. I thought I might love him. I thought I might tell him so. I thought of my pearl. It turned out that I didn't love him as much as I thought I did.

So my parents had been right. They couldn't make me believe the thins they wanted me to believe. So they let God and my bracelet do the work instead. Among the four of them, I figured out how valuable I was. How valuable my purity was. How not valuable guys were who just wanted my time and emotions. If they weren't in it for the whole bracelet, why should they get one part of it?

Nate. He thought my bracelet was awesome. So he never tried to hold my hand. He never tried to kiss me. But he asked me to marry him.

I never knew that so many years of torture could amount to so much happiness. I'd thought it was silly. I'd thought it was overrated. But now, I've never been more glad of anything in my life. As I gave my husband the charm bracelet in its entirety, I wondered why I had found it so hard to hang on to those little rocks when it was amazing to give them all to the man I truly loved.

But it didn't end there. Now our daughter wears it.

February 9, 2009

Then the Lord spoke to Moses...

-Exodus 19:21a (NASB)

At the beginning of this year, I embarked on a mission to read through the Bible in a year. The last month since starting I've been absolutely blessed by how much I've learned and grown through this study (which is a wonderful devotion that I would definitely recommend to anyone). The last few days, however, I found myself drudging through Exodus chapters 25-30 in my Old Testament portion of the daily assignment. These are some of the chapters where God gives Moses instructions on how to perform sacrifices, how the temple should be constructed, the exact measurements of the alters, curtains, etc. Needless to say, its not exactly the most exhilarating read.

Today as I was reading, however, I realized how often a passage begins "then the Lord spoke to Moses" or "then God said to him", etc. I've read those words thousands of times and they're not exactly anything particularly special, but today I couldn't help but be captivated by them. How cool would it have been to be Moses, and actually have face to face conversations with God? The Old Testament talks about how the glory of God was so amazing that the Israelites had to keep their distance, but moses was invited to come and speak with God directly.

Wow. Simply, wow.

But as amazing as that is, I am even more amazed by the incredible grace of God. Jesus' death on the cross allows us to have that personal relationship with our Lord and give us the opportunity for conversations with God. I am so grateful for all the word God is doing in my life, especially in these last few weeks and the way he has already been speaking to my through my devotion. Today was just another reminder of His faithfulness and how gracious He is, through the simplest of verses in the simplest of ways.

February 4, 2009

As they were leaving Jericho, a large crowd followed Him.

And two blind men sitting by the road, hearing that Jesus was passing by cried out, "Lord have mercy on us, Son of David!"

The crowd sternly told them to be quiet, but they cried out all the more, "Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!"

And Jesus stopped and called them, and said, "What do you want Me to do for ou?"

They said to Him, "Lord we want our eyes to be opened."

Moved with compassion, Jesus touched their eyes; and immediately they regained their sight and followed Him.

-Matthew 20:29-34

You know, I'm one of those people who has been raised and church and heard all the Bible stories since I was a little kiddo in the nursery. So I'm more than sure that I've probably heard this particular story hundreds of times before. But tonight it struck me in a far different way than ever before. The two blind men heard Jesus was coming and instantly longed for Him to come and change their lives. They couldn't see Him but had faith that the could heal them and restore their lives. They couldn't see Him but had faith that he could heal them and restore their lives. And their faith was rewarded. Jesus felt such a compassion for them and their desire to know and see Him that he restored their sing. And that's the end of the story... right? The thing that struck me the most was those last three words: and followed Him. They left everything behind to follow the man who had so dramatically altered their sight and given them back their lives. I wish I had their faith. But God has essentially done the same for me. "I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see" is arguably the most famous hymn ever written, but somehow those words get lost between my head and my heart. Despite all that God has done for me, I am so reluctant to give Him my everything and devote my entire being to Him.

So while God is working all this in my heart, I continue reading and, lo and behold, just a page or two later:

[Jesus said to them], "A man had two songs, and he came to the first and said, 'Son, go work today in the vineyard.' 

And he answered, 'I will not'; but afterward he regretted it and went.

Then man came to the second and said the same thing; and he answered, 'I will, sir'; but he did not go.

Which of the two did the will of his father?" [The priests and elders] said, "The first." Jesus said to them, "truly I say to you that the tax collectors and prostitutes will get into the Kingdom of God before you."

-Matthew 21:28-31

Being a follower of Christ means so much more than the words you say or how often you go to church. Being a follower of Christ means making Him the absolute center of your being and striving to make every aspect of your life worship to Him. After all, he cured me from "blindness" and never ceases to love me. He deserves my everything! I know He has called me into a life of full-time ministry and I am so excited to see where He leads me. But I can't continue to just talk about what I'm going to do for Him. Even though I feel my ministry is going to be my career, I don't have to and shouldn't wait until I have a degree to begin. I don't want to be that second son.

January 26, 2009

My God, my God, why have You forsaken men?

Far from my deliverance are the words of my groaning.

Oh my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer;

And by night, but I have no rest.

Yet You are holy,

O You who are enthroned upon the praises of Israel.

-Psalm 22:1-3

You know, God never ceases to amaze me, and I find that the more I delve into His word, the more I fall in love with Him and discover the incredible promises He has for me.

But this passage left me with a different feeling. Rather than rejoicing in the outpouring of love God shows me, this song of David forced me to step back and evaluate the outpouring of love I show God. The past few weeks have been incredible as my faith and relationship with Christ has reached a very different place, but this passage reminded me that God deserves my praise and adoration even in the darkest times, when I cannot see Him. How beautiful are David's words: Yet You are holy!! Talk about faith!

The chapter goes on to talk about how even when David is in the worst moments of his life, "You, O Lord, be not far off; O You my help, hasten to my assistance. Deliver my soul from the sword, My only life from the power of the dog. Save me from the lion's mouth; From the horns of the wild oxen answer me" (vv. 19-21). There is that wonderful promise from God that I've come to love so much. But it comes sixteen verses after David's praise of the Lord! What a wonderful reminder that God deserves our praise even when we do not understand the situation we find ourselves in. We cannot always see God's plan, and it may not be come in our own timing, but He is always right beside us, ready to pull us out of the lion's mouth or save us from the wild oxen of this world.

"We are not alone. He makes himself known in time, His own time"

-Brandon Heath, Beauty Divine

January 25, 2009

The heavens are telling of the glory of God;

And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.

Day to day pours speech,

And night to night reveals.

There is no speech, no are there words;

Their voice is not heard.

Their sound has gone out through all the earth,

And their utterances to the end of the world.

In them He has placed a tent for the sun,

Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber;

It rejoices as a strong man to run his course.

Its rising is from one end of the heavens,

And its circuit to the other end of them;

And there is nothing from its heart.

-Psalm 19:1-6 (NASB)

It was two nights ago on January 23rd that I read this psalm in my daily devotion time. And I found myself completely blown away. The heaves and all of God's creation continually speak praises to their creator, day and night. Even though their praises aren't heard by men they rise from one of the heavens to the other, an never-ending, all-encompassing PRAISE lifted to our King.

How amazing is that?? The thought of God's creation always worshipping Him... it really just blows me away. The glory of God and his creation speaking constant praise, oh that we should do the same and worship Him with everything we do!

That has become the theme of my heart these last two weeks. At the beginning of the new year I made a commitment to God, devoting time to diving into His Word every day (and hopefully reading through the Bible in a year with the study I chose). In the few weeks that I have begun this, God has already begun a dramatic work in my life, and the first challenge laid before me is to worship my Savior with everything I do.

Often times I find myself caught up in the music portion of chapel or a church service. There is certainly not surprising since I am a musician, but I want to find that same passion for God that I feel in those musical moments in everything I do. We tend to think of worship as the praise music portion of a church service, but worship is defined as "the feeling or expression of reverence and adoration of a deity" with synonyms such as adoration, glorification, devotion, homage, and honor. My heart desires to bring glory to God and lift up praise to my King with every aspect and act of my life.

After just a few short weeks of really getting face to face with God on a daily basis and seeing what He is already doing for me, I am so excited to see where he takes me the rest of this year! God is good!

Work in Progress

Sometimes God just blows me away. Granted, practically everyday I'm left in awe of the way he works in my life and the lives of others around me. Somedays, like today, He just hits me with something incredible (perhaps this upfront encounter is merely so we absolutely cannot ignore what He's telling us).

The last few weeks have been strange for me. All the excitement of finishing high school, saying goodbye to friends, graduating, seemingly infinite number of "lasts", and eagerly looking forward to college have felt sort of like a fairytale: I'd been looking forward to this moment for so long, now that it had arrive it was sort of surreal. However, when I found myself alone with God, I was struggling.

While some of what I was facing may be considered normal for a graduated high school senior (paying for college, never seeing people I'd grown up with again, being part of the "real world", etc.) I was face some "spiritual stuff" that I wasn't sure how to deal with. Ever since the summer before my junior year when God called me to ministry, my life has undergone some incredible transformations (let me tell you, being called by God is exciting, frightening, surprising, and awesome... all at the same time). The last few weeks, however, I've been having some serious doubts about my future... mainly whether I am capable of doing the work God wants me to do (on a slightly random thought.... why do we ever doubt his plans??).

And then tonight... I went to church as normal. Youth was awesome as usual. I was all ready to go home (especially since I hadn't eaten dinner yet and my stomach was persistently reminding me of this). As I was about to lave, however, I found myself part of a conversation I wasn't especially pleased with. My dad was conversing with a few other people and I was semi-included in their interaction. Annoyed at the fact I was ready to go home and did not want to wait for my dad to do so, I sat back and simply observed the conversation before me, my stomach grumbling along with me. After a few minutes, however, I had forgotten completely about my hunger and was deeply engrossed in the conversation. Although I wasn't actively participating, God used those next twenty minutes to respark that passion for ministry that I had first found those mere two summers ago.

I'm not going to even try to say that my spiritual walk is wonderful now... in fact I'm sure next week is going to dramatically alter it in ways I cannot even imagine. Still, it's all a work in progress. And again, I am completely taken back by the ways God uses the smallest portions and encounters in our lives to bring us closer to Him.

Standing at the Crossroads

This past week has been one of the hardest I can remember in a long time. God put me face to face with Him and I had to make a choice. The choice should have been easy... from Sunday afternoon I knew what He wanted me to do. He was making it clear. But I didn't want to listen to what he was telling me because it wasn't the choice I wanted to make. I wanted to take the easy way out and avoid the pain that comes with the road he was leading me on.

But as the week went on, God kept speaking louder and louder. During worship on Wednesday, I could feel his presence, his arms around me, telling me it would be ok, that he would be with me on that path. I knew what I had to do, but I still wasn't quite ready to accept it.

By last night, I was broken. I had a conversation with my Mom about my decision, but she wouldn't help me make it. She told me plain and simply, "You just need to talk this out with God." Perfect. Leave it to a parent to tell you what you already know but have been avoiding for the longest time.

Well, this afternoon my parents went to the grocery store. I had the house to myself, so what else do I do? MUSICMUSICMUSIC. I was listening to some random music and ended up going back to the new Barlow Girl CD that I've been listening to practically non-stop since I got it (because its positively outstanding). Now their third song, called "Here's My Life", is my favorite because it's all about being called into God's ministry and giving everything you have for Him. Today was different from any other time I'd heard that song, though, cause the lyrics had a new meaning for me:

Once again I said my goodbyes to those I love most. 

My heart feels that familiar pain as I long for home.

'Cause this road is hard when I feel so far.

God I'm crying out tonight 'cause I've given you my life,

But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind,

So once more here's my life.

On the day that you called my name all that I knew change.

I found when I said yes that I'd never be the same.

Though the call is hard You are worth it all.

God I'm crying out tonight 'cause I've given you my life,

But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind,

So once more here's my life.

Even when the tears are falling, when I find I fear the calling

You remind me,

Words You've spoken over my life, promises I've yet to see,

You comfort me.

God I'm crying out tonight 'cause I've given you my life,

But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind,

So once more here's my life.

And that was the absolute breaking point for me. I was sitting at my computer, myspace-ing away and I just started crying. Because I finally said "okay" to God. Don't get me wrong... the heartache is still there... but I know its going to be okay.