Saturday, August 25, 2007

Standing at the Crossroads

This past week has been one of the hardest I can remember in a long time. God put me face to face with Him and I had to make a choice. The choice should have been easy... from Sunday afternoon I knew what He wanted me to do. He was making it clear. But I didn't want to listen to what he was telling me because it wasn't the choice I wanted to make. I wanted to take the easy way out and avoid the pain that comes with the road he was leading me on.
But as the week went on, God kept speaking louder and louder. During worship on Wednesday, I could feel his presence, his arms around me, telling me it would be ok, that he would be with me on that path. I knew what I had to do, but I still wasn't quite ready to accept it.
By last night, I was broken. I had a conversation with my Mom about my decision, but she wouldn't help me make it. She told me plain and simply, "You just need to talk this out with God." Perfect. Leave it to a parent to tell you what you already know but have been avoiding for the longest time.
Well, this afternoon my parents went to the grocery store. I had the house to myself, so what else do I do? MUSICMUSICMUSIC. I was listening to some random music and ended up going back to the new Barlow Girl CD that I've been listening to practically non-stop since I got it (because its positively outstanding). Now their third song, called "Here's My Life", is my favorite because it's all about being called into God's ministry and giving everything you have for Him. Today was different from any other time I'd heard that song, though, cause the lyrics had a new meaning for me:

Once again I said my goodbyes to those I love most. 
My heart feels that familiar pain as I long for home.
'Cause this road is hard when I feel so far.
God I'm crying out tonight 'cause I've given you my life,
But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind,
So once more here's my life.
On the day that you called my name all that I knew change.
I found when I said yes that I'd never be the same.
Though the call is hard You are worth it all.
God I'm crying out tonight 'cause I've given you my life,
But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind,
So once more here's my life.
Even when the tears are falling, when I find I fear the calling
You remind me,
Words You've spoken over my life, promises I've yet to see,
You comfort me.
God I'm crying out tonight 'cause I've given you my life,
But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind,
So once more here's my life.

And that was the absolute breaking point for me. I was sitting at my computer, myspace-ing away and I just started crying. Because I finally said "okay" to God. Don't get me wrong... the heartache is still there... but I know its going to be okay.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

One Weekend

Actually, not even a full weekend.
Just slightly over twenty-four hours.
That's how long it took God to completely redirect my summer.

First, last night's discussion at the lake reminded me of what it is God has created me to do: worship.
Oh, its not that I had completely forgotten. My task is always at least at the back of my mind. However, a lot of times I sort of put i off. "Oh, well I can't really do that until I go to college, am trained, have a real job, etc., etc." My excuses are endless.
But last night, during both the discussion and the worship itself, I could feel God gently reminding me that he wants me to start. NOW.
It was a lot like camp last year. The entire time the group was talking, my mind was racing. And then worship started. And I started crying. I could just feel God's presence and hear Him telling me, "This is what I want you to do for me."
Let me just say, it was INCREDIBLE.

The second part of my transformation is, technically, still ongoing.
I'm sitting here writing the lesson for tomorrow's class... and I'm stressed out like crazy. The hard part isn't figuring out what to talk about... God's been telling me that for the last few weeks now. But the personal connection I have with it, especially after last night, is insane, powerful, describe however you like. God is just plain AMAZING.

The final part I'm listening to right now.
"Can I Stay Here Forever" by Starfield.
Actually, I've been listening to this song for the last month and a half because it describes my current walk with God perfectly.
If you've never heard it, I suggest you take a listen.
Hillside youth-ers, you get to listen to it tomorrow... its part of my lesson.

Add all those together, and I have all sorts of new goals for the summer.
And I love it.