Sometimes God just blows me away. Granted, practically everyday I'm left in awe of the way he works in my life and the lives of others around me. Somedays, like today, He just hits me with something incredible (perhaps this upfront encounter is merely so we absolutely cannot ignore what He's telling us).
The last few weeks have been strange for me. All the excitement of finishing high school, saying goodbye to friends, graduating, seemingly infinite number of "lasts", and eagerly looking forward to college have felt sort of like a fairytale: I'd been looking forward to this moment for so long, now that it had arrive it was sort of surreal. However, when I found myself alone with God, I was struggling.
While some of what I was facing may be considered normal for a graduated high school senior (paying for college, never seeing people I'd grown up with again, being part of the "real world", etc.) I was face some "spiritual stuff" that I wasn't sure how to deal with. Ever since the summer before my junior year when God called me to ministry, my life has undergone some incredible transformations (let me tell you, being called by God is exciting, frightening, surprising, and awesome... all at the same time). The last few weeks, however, I've been having some serious doubts about my future... mainly whether I am capable of doing the work God wants me to do (on a slightly random thought.... why do we ever doubt his plans??).
And then tonight... I went to church as normal. Youth was awesome as usual. I was all ready to go home (especially since I hadn't eaten dinner yet and my stomach was persistently reminding me of this). As I was about to lave, however, I found myself part of a conversation I wasn't especially pleased with. My dad was conversing with a few other people and I was semi-included in their interaction. Annoyed at the fact I was ready to go home and did not want to wait for my dad to do so, I sat back and simply observed the conversation before me, my stomach grumbling along with me. After a few minutes, however, I had forgotten completely about my hunger and was deeply engrossed in the conversation. Although I wasn't actively participating, God used those next twenty minutes to respark that passion for ministry that I had first found those mere two summers ago.
I'm not going to even try to say that my spiritual walk is wonderful now... in fact I'm sure next week is going to dramatically alter it in ways I cannot even imagine. Still, it's all a work in progress. And again, I am completely taken back by the ways God uses the smallest portions and encounters in our lives to bring us closer to Him.